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Thank you to all of you who have responded to my posts. A new twist on all of this is that my daughter in law has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in touch with me daily. It is very very hard for me to be talking to her and not my son but I feel I must do this for her, his aparents are far from supportive of her and her parents are in Poland. She has noone else, and has really began clinging to me. I am trying to be strong for her, and for my grandchildren. I pretty much just listen to her, and let her do all the talking. My son is not well, his amom has been buying him alcohol "because it's the holidays"-whatever. My daughter in law says my family was the only ones that stood up to him, everyone else lets him do whatever he wants. And yes, they have dealt with him for 28 years and his abuse for about the last 12 years or so and I know they love him they just are kind of at their wit's end. I have decided to try and limit the talks with my daughter in law to every other day, to try and live my life here with my husband and 2 other children, and try to focus on other things other than my son. I know it sounds stupid but I'm trying to not mention his name every day, it just hurts me way to much. I love him so much that I can stay in the background if I need to. I feel like I'm going crazy, yes i'm in therapy, but this is so very very hard. I don't want to be one more "thing" or "issue" in his life, I want to be a positive influence, a good role model, and not a nuisance. If it were not for his wife's illness, I would back off alot more. I have decided I will send him an email maybe once a month-'hi, i'm here, i've been thinking of you. call me if you need to talk' kind of thing just so he knows i'm still around, not going anywhere, and leave it at that. It kills me but I am beginning to not function properly because of this, crying all the time. REally, I probably need medication but I'm trying to hang in there. It is so nice to know I'm not alone, that I have other sisters out there who understand my issues. thank you all.
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