[kakuehl]

Sweetheart, I'm not sure I have great advice for you. I will say that you are loved, by your "amazing" family, by the God who created you as the unique, gifted person you are, most probably by your bmom. (If you read the stories of many of us, there are very few who say, I placed my child for adoption because I didn't love him/her.) The reasons for placement were often the bparents were coerced or forced to place, or because they saw no other choice, or because they truly they were doing the best thing for their child.

As has been said in other posts, many of us were told never to try to find our children -- they were no longer ours, despite what our emotions told us. We were to let them live their new lives with their new families and not disrupt them. For some bmoms it's too painful to even think about.

Are you working with a couselor on the bulimia? Please try to take care of yourself. You are worth loving. Send Bromanchik a pm. She is a great resource for us as a counselor who knows adoption issues very well and she has helped many people find the help they need.

You are loved and loveable... that is clear from what you post. I pray that you will learn to stop blaming yourself and learn to believe that you are worthy of love.