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smc,
You said you wanted to write a nasty letter; lay it all out there...
What about journaling? You can write that letter - put all of your emotions out there - write whatever you are feeling in your heart without having to censor yourself...the good, the bad, whatever.
I know when AJ's firstmom placed him with us, we brought her a journal - and she said that journal "saved her life". That no one else understood, but at least she could get everything out.
I hope the New Year brings peace to you...
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