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It must be very difficult for you wanting and waiting for so long. I hope you have other people and things in your life to try to focus on. I really don't understand how any mother could not respond to her own child. I can see how bmoms have a lot to deal with and were told to forget about us, yadda yadda yadda....but it all comes down to maternal instincts - they have to care about us in some sort of way.
It sounds like maybe your AM knows a little about your bmom. In my opinion, she's not trying to make you feel like crap, she's just being honest - maybe "brutally honest". I don't think she meant it as a blow to you that your bmom doesn't want contact or to get to know you. She was referring to your bmom and what appears to be her wants. Maybe your AM is being so blunt about the whole situation because she is angry that your bmom is doing this to you?
I hope your bmom comes around. Have you asked about your bdad in any of the letters you've written?
Maybe you could let her know that you are interested in finding him and acknowledge to her that you see she isn't ready to respond to you or for any sort of reunion, but you would really appreciate her giving you his name as he may be interested in contact you.
Meanwhile, hang in there. Surround yourself with loved ones and keep busy. Try not to take her silence personally - it's about her, not you.
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