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I'm so sorry. These last 6 months must have felt like years - waiting.
You have probably heard this before but, it is important to remember that the lack of communication isn't personal. It isn't about you at all. It is about her and her demons. It isn't about her wants but about her fears and her way of self protection. Reaching thru this wall of fears takes a lot of courage which your bmom obviously doesn't have at this time. Your reaching out is knocking holes in her wall, the wall that she began before you were born, but the wall still stands.
Everyone has to handle the waiting in their own way and you will have to find a way to protect yourself. Just because she has very clearly said, Not Now - doesn't mean that she won't ever communicate with you. But it may take a long, long time to break thru the wall.
Peace and best wishes for 2009.
Hugs
Jill
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