[smccammond]

I contacted my Birthfamily June 22. I talked to my BA for about 3-4 hours. She never gave me my birthmom number and I have yet to talk to her. I have sent her a few letters, a birthday card, and even a Christmas card and gift. Yet, I have heard nothing from her. I really thought/hoped that I would have heard from her today. But I guess not. My AM keeps telling me that she never wanted contact and did everything in her power to keep it from happening. She had herself moved to a different floor after I was born, she moved out of the area after my birth, she has an unlisted number, oh and the kicker, "isn't it obvious, the reason she isn't contacting you is loud and clear, she doesn't want to get to know you" *sigh* I know my AM is just trying to protect herself, but come on, you don't need to make me feel like dog crap in the process.
I so desperately want a relationship and I guess she so desperately does not. I have even thought of showing up on her door step, but I'm too chicken. I've thought about her ALL DAY. I was so sad yesterday when it hit 7pm and the UPS man hadn't dropped anything off for me. Why do I get my hopes up, just to have them crushed? Do I even dare get them up for my birthday, which is in 6 weeks? If she doesn't want a relationship that's fine, but I would like to try and find my bf and she is the only one that knows who he is.....well except for her entire family, which I know they won't tell me.

Sorry for the debby downer, but I'm just feeling a little low today.