[LasVegasMom]

Ok, I have to jump in here. My son is 28 years old and he could be the same person you are describing. He has substance abuse issues, has for years before we were in reunion, and has many anger issues. He is very manipulative. Last year, 2 days into our face-to-face reunion, we were up late just the 2 of us and he told me that he had no self-love and had tried to kill himself 2 times before. Then a month later, he tried to kill himself again by taking tylenol pm and drinking. Two months ago he accidentally overdosed but i'm still not convinced it was accidental. That time, my husband had to give him cpr to save him. He has now moved back to be with his aparents as he feels that our reunion was not what he needed in his life and meeting me did not fix his problems. He is blaming me for every single problem in his life, is very jealous of his 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister and has mentioned to me that we should have grown up together as well. I have tried to get him into therapy, he won't go either, and his aparents know he has issues but they pretty much ignore it as well. He has even admitted to me that therapy was helpful to him but he went a while ago and does not think he needs it. I am constantly wondering if I will get a call about him from his wife saying he is dead. He has not spoken to me in 2 months now, and I think I am just one more issue for him to deal with that he cannot deal with. He has not mentioned suicide to me in a long time but he tells his wife all the time that her and the kids would be better off without him and that they could get survivor's benefits from social security and that would be better than him being around. However one good note is that 2 months ago in the last email he sent me he told me for the 1st time that he wanted to be around to see his kids grow up. I just think he is confused, he definitely would benefit from therapy, but he is also a master manipulator, just like your son, and has manipulated both me and his aparents. Hang in there, stay on top of him, and be in his life no matter what. I hope and pray we can both post to this board in the coming years and talk about our long reunions with our sons.
I know this next statement may upset some people but I just have to say it. I do not agree with adoption. I would say avoid it at all costs. Adoption colored my very existence, changed who I was and who i became, and most importantly it changed my son forever. I made the most important decision of both of our lives as a 17 year old. We took different paths, he and I, and I am the one that made that happen. I became an overachiever, he became overindulged and an underachiever. Neither of us has been happy in our lives. I was told to forget about him, never to speak of him, and pretend like I did not have a son out there somewhere. Little did they know he was still in me, in my heart forever, and nothing anyone could do would change that. I became an overachiever so he would be proud of me, every decision I made-good or bad-was because I had a son out there somewhere. Every decision he made-good or bad-was because he was adopted and felt like his first mom did not love him enough to keep him. I know my life would be completely different if I kept him, but I can't help but wonder what the hell did I do to him? Did I make him angry and suicidal and a substance abuser? It is a difficult cross to bear, but one I feel I must bear all the same. I am trying to work through this, just started the work after 28 years of silence. I am not ashamed of him, not ashamed of myself, and speak of him every chance I get. I have THREE children, not TWO like I said for so many years. I am no longer silenced, but I still have to think that his anger and depression are a direct result of his adoption. I hope he works through it, I pray he works through it, and I hope all your kids work through it too.