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Janey,
There are some adopted kids that are told that and its true, they could have been begging inon the streets! The point is that when told that they SHOULD feel grateful they are not it brings an feeling od indeptness into the picture that non adoptive people don't feel and don't understand.
BTW, I didn't hear that personally, I know of others that did though and I have seen on these forums the occasional international adoptive parents say they feel their children should be grateful for being adopted and not having to beg! It produces a feeling of unworthiness in the child. Although mom being a true mom of her generation did have her little dittys and non of them ever provoked any other feeling that most non adopted peole would feel(rolled eyes, violin playing behind her back ect) Few ex...."WADDA live in abarn!!! Think of all the starving children, you don't undeerstand how grateful you should be their are many children that have nothing!" That last commnet was non adoption related and was only to teach me a sense of "normal" gratitide when kids are starting to be ungrateful little rats!...It was never, ever told to me by my parents that I was lucky to be adopted. Other peole did though..some strangers. That made me feel horrible and my parents never corrected them.
Shadow,
I agrree how things that are not inteneed to hurt and are said with the best of intentions. I have often thought about the bio and adoptive parents thanking each other....hmmmmm. At first glance I think its great because it only validates who we are..and made it all worth it for us. That we were given up and taken with the honest feelings of love and caring that some of the moms and dads on this forum exhibit. That the whole process is truly for the best interst of the child.
Your mom sounds lovely. Kinda shows how deep seated the fear of them not thinking we feel they are "real". My mom was my true mom in every sense of the word but one. My family is my family, warts and all.
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