[M.I.Ur.Birthsister]

Hi all,
Since my mom told me I have a sister, relinquished ten years before my birth, I've been rather obsessed and drifting in my coursework. So I decided to choose an adoption-related topic for my term paper, to help me concentrate on it. I found this great qualitative study on reunion experiences and expectations. I think anyone looking to reunite should read this first.

Quick summary: Incongruent expectations (b.fam and adoptee want different levels of intimacy) create problems such as withdrawal -- unless parties are able to adjust to each others' feelings. Researchers suggest empathy is a key to harmonious reunion. If any individual in the triad insists on his/her personal "rights" as a focus of the relationship, then the other person is likely to feel overwhelmed and withdraw.

This sounds like common sense. But difficult in practice. Reunions are so emotionally powerful, it is difficult to separate fantasy and reality, until the latter hits--hard.

I'll try to post the whole article if I can.