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In ref to the gratitude thing: Since being reunited with both bio parents, I have heard Bdad carry on about how grateful he is to my Aparents for doing such a great job of raising me. I wont get into my feelings on this. It isn't important anyway. I cringe when I hear it. I worry about my Amom's feelings.
I have heard my Amom tell my Bparents how grateful she is to them because were it not for them, she wouldn't have had me. I can go on, but again, at the moment, it isn't that important. It all makes me crazy sometimes. No one is intentionally saying these things to hurt anyone. . (Oh, those good intentions, and the road they lead to)
Due to one of these recent little events, I had to have a conversation with my, 74 year-old, amom. I had to explain that she did not adopt and raise me as some sort of favor to my Bparents. My Mom would have never let on that she was hurt. She would have only seen the compliment he gave her and denied any hurt feelings on her part. As I was telling her that "she" was my "parent" she started to cry. She thanked me for saying such nice things to her. You have to know my mom. She is about as close to a saint as anyone gets. It was evident to me, by her remarks, that my Bdad's recent "gratitude for the great job she had done" had made her feel like I was not "her" child. I reassured her that she was my "mom" just as much as if she had given birth to me herself. She then said something that touched my heart and meant more to me than anything else she has ever said. She told me, "Sometimes, it felt like I had given birth to you and your brother." That is by far the best thing an adoptive mother could ever say to her adopted child. That is how I always want my adoptive mother to feel. P.S. Janey, your a peach. Flick the peas at the dog? I wish you had explained that to my big brother. He thought you were supposed to flick them at me.
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