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Maybe you could confide in a friend or co-worker, and that person could call and speak directly to the woman, starting off asking if she remembers receiving a letter because the senders are concerned because they have not yet had a response. That way she wouldn't be as intimidated because she wouldn't be speaking directly to you or your husband. You deserve an answer.
Perhaps her husband intercepted the letter/card you sent -- sometimes spouses open each other's mail. There is also a remote possibility that the letter never reached her home -- the post office sometimes does make a mistake. I get a neighbor's mail in my box every now and then, and I recently mailed something that unexplainably took several weeks to arrive.
I don't know how you can be so patient -- you've been waiting for a response for over a year. When I first sent a letter to my older half-sis (my bmom is deceased), I was a nervous wreck waiting for her response (about 3 weeks later) -- every possible emotion was going through my head -- she wasn't as friendly as I would have liked, but I was so thankful that she did call. Nothing is worse than being in limbo. If she is not responding anyway, what do you have to lose? And if you find out she is not your husband's bmom, then you can move forward with your search.
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