Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda
From The Language of Letting Go.. Melody Beattie.. page 224… a lesson for all of us
Saying No
The problem is, if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others our of resentment. When do we say no? When no is what we really mean. When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean. |
I think this is so incredibly important.
"If we learn to say no, we stop lying." My mom and I were just talking about this subject a couple weeks ago. For some reason, I learned to say no to some of my mother's requests or demands around 20 years ago, probably as a result of joining a 12-Step program. She told me recently that that's one of the things she admires in me...that I don't commit to anything that I do not intend to follow through on. One of my siblings is having a terrible time with our mother right now. He is unable to say no to her; he volunteers or agrees to do something, and when he doesn't follow through, he goes into hiding... He hasn't spoken to her for the last couple months, and I think it's breaking her heart. The old issue of passive aggressiveness... Unfortunately, this is one of my mom's pet peeves in life, people who aren't true to their word.
I worked for this one company in New Mexico as managing editor for a while, and it used to drive me up the wall when an employee would say, "yes" to a project, and then not get the job done by deadline. I practically begged them to be upfront with me before assigning them a new project. If they didn't think they could get a piece turned in on time, to please tell me they needed help with it, or to even just turn down the project. If I can't count on someone to be true to their word, I lose all trust of that person, no matter if it is a coworker, friend, or family member.
I think it is absolutely crucial to
say what we mean and mean what we say...
P.S. Since my mom had her stroke, it is harder for me to say no to her. I give her more leeway than I did before her stroke... I know I'm not going to have her in my life for very much longer, so I pamper her a little bit, I think. I still try not to commit to things I know I can't do. I'm a "work in progress", though, lol...