[alidaw4]

Hi Dear,
I wanted to respond to your post. I know you are well meaning so understand I say ALL This in love and with a gentle heart.
What may seem impossible for some is completely doable for another family. You must know I STARTED OFF with twins. So while that might seem impossible to someone with only 1child, it has always been like that for me. I was raised in a huge family watching lots of kids. I was a preschool teacher. I also know MANY huge families that adopt many children and are doing wonderfully! If the Lord provides us with more children, we'll do it, the same as we have our 4. Trusting in Him every moment, seeking His wisdom. People may have to wait for a baby because many will wait as long as it takes to get their perfect Caucasian baby. I have met folks waiting a long while specifically for a healthy infant. We want black children, and there are MANY available. We'd also consider Pacific Islander, mixed race, native american or Asian.

In my own family it seems almost every year someone gets their children&(babies) taken away for drug abuse, newborns, being born addicted to drugs. Toddlers and many olders available also. I just so happen to live in another state and they don't seem to like to do interstate foster as they did when I was in the system. So I am unable to foster to adopt anyone here in California as my family is in the Midwest.

Why is it that they had only 1 infant? Were you open to race? Or were you "specific"about race? That could be why.
I hear of babies all the time needing homes. They may not be white but many available. We want black children, including olders with problems, my only condition is that I refuse a child over the age of seven, but that leaves alot of space in between. We want at least ONE girl, 2-5 years old..but that's not asking alot if your choosing a sib set of 3 or 4. I have seen it many times on MANY photolistings. Also, I don't want ONLY an infant, but will accept one if it is included in a sib set. I specified that. I'm not out to get "only " an infant. I realize that MANY infants happen to have SIBLINGS and would love to take ALL not just the 1. We'd also be willing to adopt special needs, deaf, or HIV, addicted to drugs. How is this ANY different then you specifically only wanting infants? Isn't that a made to order family too? Except that my family would be built to order as they are probably not infants, probably children a bit more hard to place instead of waiting specifically for 1 infant? I am not adopting mainly to build my family though that will happen, I am adopting to rescue little ones from a terrible condition and bring then into a loving home. Or to help a birthmother with encouragement and support to be able to successfully reunify with her child. I have seen FP in such a hurry to adopt children do everything they can to discourage reunification in an attempt to adopt. I'm not going into this to get kids, more to bless a hurting family. If I can adopt then great. I know if you foster long enough, odds are you will get to adopt eventually. So I think the fact that I DO already have children is even better as I won't be out with a certain goal or mindset. I can love and encourage that family while knowing that in the end, whether they reunify or not, I'll be doing things from right motives. Not saying this is you or even MOST FP. But I have seen it.

Even if all we do is foster and Never adopt, We'd still be blessing a family. My hubby's experience with Special Needs, my experience and my work with children and experience with mothers and children in distress.. a wonderful combination to do alot of GOOD!

My own mother "aged out" and never learned skills to parent. I ended up as a 2nd generation in the system. I know both what its like to be a child bounced around from place to home... I also have the sympathy and perspective of the mother that loses her children as I saw my mother wasn't able to "pull it together." She lacked the support and my foster mother was not helpful toward reconciliation. She hated white people and my mother is white.

In my email I did exactly as you did, I specified the ages I was willing to consider, same as you, and said I'd be open to either gender other than the girl we wanted. That is different than a person specifically requesting healthy infants under 6-12 months. So I say this in love but your post seems a little judgmental and a tad bit hypocritical. But email doesn't convey emotions or tone and I understand that.
Please understand I say this more trying to understand than arguing. I'm blessed with bio children doesn't make my love for hurting children, specifically children in fostercare any less valid. I know you probably didn't mean for it to come out that way.

We are waiting on the Lord for the right children for OUR family as I imagine you are too. I'm not judging you for wanting an infant. I understand why you would want to. I was pointing out or similarities. You'd be surprised how many people tried to foster/adopt and moved on to international for these very types of issues that deterred them from adopting from country. BTW my babies are so easy! Slings and baby carriers make raising kids so wonderful. I can tend to babies and MANY children all at once! (just as I did with my twins)

I am obviously thankful for my awesome family. I don't understand this comment many of my PAP friends
get of "be grateful for what you DO have" just because we want to adopt more children. It is BECAUSE I am grateful for all my blessings that we want to extend this love and joy to children in need! The Lord will honor our hearts for the fatherless and He will direct the Right children for us whether by fostering, adoption through county, or international. May He bless you as you build your family as I know He will bless us for wanting to use ours to be a blessing to others. Best Wishes, Alida w4