[DP611]

I had a very similar situation. I found my birth family, my birth parents got married and had 5 more children. Things started off "swimmingly" to quote you and now its been 5 years of no contact. I'm sure like all of us, I can write a thousand pages on my story. But to answer your question or to give my advice: DON'T GIVE UP ON THE REUNION! I think sometimes we do "dramatic" things for attention [i.e. saying enough is enough] because it is the only way we can let people know how much we are being hurt. It is a cry for attention but I don't think its worth it. I don't have a relationship with my family and it is something that is very difficult for me. I love all of them so much, I nostalgically look at pictures of when we were together and it is something I have to deal with quite often. If you have a good relationship with your birthfather, treasure it. In my opinion, it is something wonderful.

As far as your sister, I am starting to learn that her reaction towards you is quite common in these kind of reconciliation situations. Her reaction has nothing to do with you but everything to do with herself. I would try to be aware of who she is, her age, what she must be experiencing, and possibly even try to put yourself in her situation. It must not be easy for her and, for whatever reason, she is responding in this manner. Rise above the situation, understand it, but at the same time don't be "so nice" where you get taken advantage of, or you become anyone's door matt. You said your birthfather spoils her so if I were you, I would NOT do likewise. Be respectful and compassionate, but at the same time, be firm and don't turn a blind eye to inappropriate behavior.

Long story short, millions of adopted children have questions about their birth families; millions of them search out for their families with NO luck; of those, thousands are rejected or turned away (yet again) so for you to have a relationship with your birth father is something that is extraordinarily special and unique. I would treasure it and hold onto it. Now, you should never be in any relationship that is self-destructive but at the same time, I would encourage you to think long and hard before you would break off this reunion. It might seem like the thing to do now because of the frustration and suffering but 5-10 years down the line, how will you feel? Will you miss them? Will you look at pictures? How will birthdays and holidays be?

I have confidence in life's plan for me (and for all of us) but if it were up to me, I would REALLY love to have my family in my life. I think what you have is very special and worth fighting for.

All the best to you my friend :-)