Dear Amandak249,
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.....it's difficult to watch bdad continue to enable and spoil this child who has treated me so cruelly right before his eyes. He doesn't discipline her. He is fairly wealthy, and buys her new horses, new bigger cars (before she got her license... ) and various other expensive things.
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I've always told my daughters that "please" and "thankyou" are two of the most important words in the English dictionary for a couple of reasons. One because being polite is really the way people ought to behave but also because manners open doors when nothing else will. There's a great deal of truth that you catch more flies with honey, etc.
And I think it's dangerous to teach kids self-entitlement; to take what they want with little regard for others; to treat other people like trash; do whatever they want. Because while they may get away with that at home sooner or later they have to go out into the big, bad world and then they're going to come across someone who understands the true meaning of power; a person who knows where everyone else ends and they begin.
Rule number one: There's always a bigger, badder SOB on the playground. And if a person goes around acting like they're that SOB, someone truly tough is going to come along and clean their clock. Some people do need to learn that lesson though I wouldn't recommend signing up.
Crossing the cool, calculating ruthless type? No thanks! I have some experience with those kind and I'd rather try tunneling through Mt. Everest with a plastic dessert spoon.
Sounds like your little sister has some tough rows to hoe in the future but that is her journey. Yours may just be to step out of the way for a while and be there when she is forced to swallow a dose of her own medicine. Then maybe she'll turn to you for help and advice and you can bridge the gap then.
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He apologizes all the time, as if it's his fault. He says things like " I've broken up this family. If you and Ellen were living together this never would have happened. I've created a broken family"
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The guilt of the birthparent. I've got my share of it and it has affected those around me in so many negative ways. It's tough for adults to face who they were as kids; the choices they made.
But hopefully time will help your bdad to see that he was only human and then perhaps he can begin to heal; forgive himself.
Family stuff has a way of working itself out when one member of the family says, "Stop! I'm not tolerating this anymore! I'm going to take care of myself now!"
Also, it sounds as if your younger bsister has worn everyone down. Again, she's in for a rude awakening if she thinks strangers out there in the world are going to take that crap. Not likely. Still, she's young and has a long way to go. (Then again, I can't say I dont' have my stuff to learn too.)
Wishing you peace today,