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Originally Posted by ChromaKelly
Nee, thank you for your post! That's exactly what ours is like, except we don't email. I kind of wish she was online, I do much better with email and IM. Also, I could just give her the link to my shutterfly album and then she could look at the pics whenever.
Yes, we have basically the same relationship. It's superficial, we make small talk. I update her on Caleb and how things are going, but we almost never talk about the adoption issues. I had to bring it up when we were matched, which we only had two weeks of "match", so it wasn't like we had a lot of time to ease into things. I don't know at all how she feels about things, I got some updates from the social worker who said general things like "she's feeling positive" and that she likes us, feels comfortable with us, so I guess that's all good.
Anyway, sorry I went off on a little tangent there.
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I NEVER talk about my feelings related to the placement of my son with his mom. It isn't her job to take those emotions on. I have people that I go to, my best friend in town is a first mom, and I go to my mom all the time with that stuff. Those are the people I should go to, she might have people like that as well.
I think too, that I was VERY hesitant about contact at first because I do understand the realities of having an infant, I may not be a mom, but I'm not dumb either. Just because someone may not be parenting doesn't mean they don't realize that you're tired, want to bond and all of those things too. That may be part of what is going on with her.
Just do what you said you would. The worst thing you can do is not follow through, that is heartbreaking. Hopefully she'll come around. Be willing to modify things with her as well. I've found out that I really don't like talking on the phone with my son's mom, so I write letters to him instead. It's much more comfortable for me and something I am able to follow through on because I don't dread it like I did making phone calls. Things change and sometimes we have to change our expectations and feelings.
And, as I tell my girls at work, remeber that you can't change how someone is, just how you feel about the situation.