Quantum
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The thought that came to my mind was one day near the end, he had a dentist appointment, I, of course, had to remind him (constantly). Apparently it was my 'job' to make sure he woke up for work, for school, did his homework (he was in college), EVERYTHING. So, I remind him about his dentist appointment. He leaves, comes back a short time later. I had remembered the wrong time.  . He ended up being too late for his appointment. I got HELL. Absolute HELL. All because I forgot the time for his appointment.
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I had to get my husband up for work after he had been drinking all nite.. I had to do it because if I did not he would not work and no money would come into the house and all was lost..
I remember a certain fellow that would come to town.. and hubby would have an obligation to go and drink with him.. they have traveled to England together when young men.. I hated that fellow and I remember hubbies boss calling and was angry when hubby had not shown up for work.. and that fellow was down stairs.. I remember telling him to leave my home.. get out.. and I continued to make sure hubby the worker got to work..
Drunk or stoned or whatever..
What an insane life.. I was such a part of the insanity..
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I felt so helpless. So alone. So out of control.
Sometimes he would call me at work and say 'I have something to talk to you about when you come home' in his 'and I'm not happy about it' tone of voice. I would spend the rest of the day on the verge of tears and shaking.
He never actually hit me, but I understand how women who get hit feel after this experiance.
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Mine would put his fist through cupboards.. and grab my arm very tight..
Power play.. do as you are told play..
And there I was the victim.. and into the why am I here scenario.
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After I left him the only 'support' I got from my father was an unsaid 'well I told you not to marry him'. It's like he felt I got what I deserved. That was the whole problem with that relationship. My ex would say 'I don't want to say these things about you, I don't want to do this to you, but it's your own fault you see...'
What I deserve.
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Turning around and facing the things said to us.. by someone that is deep into their addiction or insanity..
And then getting a hold of our lives.. doing the steps..
Looking at ourselves… seeing the why of it..
Understanding that the ones that are deep into their own addictions do not see the pain of others.. the hurt inflicted..
Even when we try and control others we do not see them we see who or what we want them to be.. to make ourselves more comfortable..
When just giving up is the answer.. your father and him not seeing how hard your life was and or is.. and then saying I see your pain.. I am so sorry that this is happening to you..
Noooo what we get is I told you so.. I am right.. I am the one that knows what is best..
Just like in that coercion thread.. everyone knows what the pregnant woman and or man considering relinquishing should do..
We are powerless over what others tell us what to do.. and we need to just walk away from it.. think it through ourselves.. and get on with it..
Hmmmm
Jackie