[MilehighDad]

Since Crissy's first thread is still being argued over, I wanted to bring this one back to the top. Crissy, I hope you have not felt that I was one of the ones criticizing you, if so I am really sorry. My intention was to offer understanding that it is really difficult, help for things you may not have done yet, and hope that your son and your family can heal and be happy in the future. I think you have made it clear that you want advice and help and so I am trying.

I know that you have posted that you have since decided to disrupt but that your son is still in your home. Under these circumstances I would still encourage you to try everything you can. It is not your fault for feeling angry, depressed or overwhelmed. A traumatized child will bring you all of these unwelcome gifts and it is really, really hard to carry them. If you decide that you don't want to deal with these troubles and disrupt, I understand and offer my condolences. If you have any strength left, I encourage you to muster it , find any support you can, and keep going.

My suggestions about addressing yourself first are not critical or mean that you are a bad person. Traumatized kids can defeat good, normal parents unless those parents learn new strategies and nurture their own emotional well-being.

Adoptive Today magazine has a good article this month titled "Adoption from the Inside Out" that addresses parents working on themselves first and is worth the $12 online annual subscription all by itself. One quote from this article is "As challenges and issues with a child arise it is all too easy for parents to assume that the problem, and therefore the solution, lies completely with the child. However, this assumption can often mask the true reality and serve to only further prolong the pain and frustration"

So, again to the general group and anyone struggling, Adoption Today and Fostering Families are both great resources for helping to understand your kids. Adoption Today is aimed at international and transracial adoption and Fostering Families is aimed at foster care and foster care adoption. We read both because we have found helpful articles in both. Adoptive Families is another great magazine aimed at all adoption generally, but helpful articles for traumatized kids are more rare there.