[Janeytwo]

Hey Everybody!

I've always hidden that part of my life from people in real life. I can't stand dealing with the furtive glances, the judgments, the condescending attitudes I get from some people if I bring up my past pysch history.

LOL! Raven you don't understand. If you tell people you've been in the "nuthouse" they suddenly become very respectful and give you a wide berth! Give it a shot and see if it doesn't work. (But try to use your new-found powers for good) LOL!

Nah...seriously....I understand what you mean. It's frightening for people to think about mental illness because I'm sure at some point everyone's asked themselves if they're crazy. And that's half the problem....mental illness connoted with craziness. I think of craziness more along the lines of what we discuss in the Artist's Way forum. The people who are out there expending energy to make everyone else miserable? Those are the crazies.

Talking about it triggered me for a couple days afterwards, mainly just a sense of deep sadness and a panicky feeling.

Such a thing has a great deal of power; takes on a life of its own. And really, who wants to expose their jugular to the public's waiting teeth. Not I said Little Red Ridinghood.

Maybe someday someone will read this thread and decide to hold their loved one's hand a bit tighter.

And that's the point of all we do in here in the end, isn't it? At least I think so. Somewhere there is a person who shares our story in common just maybe they don't realize it. That sure was the case for me when I found this place.

Jackie

but my friend told me I needed to forgive her before she died.. I did not want to do this.. I wanted to hold on to my bone of contention and chew on it.

I am remembering that 10+ years ago, my dear friend. Watching from the net-distance as you struggled with your mother's death and the history gone before it. I respect how hard you've had to work to get to the point you are now; to coming to an acceptance of your mother's legacy. We were both grieving loss weren't we? Grieving the loss of what never really was; grieving illusions and the realities left in their wake. Much regard from me to you, Jackie. It was a long, long climb from the shadows, was it not?

But then I don’t need pills any more.. I did the work..

And testified through action to those who remain lost. It is a strange realization isn't it? Bill and Lois had no children of their own, but in their struggle to be free of addiction, they adopted millions.

The old messages of "anesthestize this pain" "turn from it" "kill it" "bury it"..........all of those are giving way. This summer, hubby taking me back down to Six Mile and below....back to the places I once walked in pain....it was like a catharsis....a coming home. A return from all of that. And when we ended at the fountain on Belle Isle, our grandson running delightfully in front of it, hand held out squealing in delight at the coolness of the water? I turned and looked out at my beloved Detroit and smiled.

The healing was beginning........