Hey Raven! Thanks for posting this!
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Would anybody like to share their thoughts on Step One?
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The word that always caught me when I first joined AlAnon was the word "Powerless". It railed against my ego. I was always one for taking up a cause that I could argue against. Heck, I was a nerd in sports in school but in debate, I was feared!!
The word "unmanageable" didn't come into it much for me as to motivation. My life with my then-husband and his alcoholism was beyond unmanageable, in fact it was sheer hell. (Sometimes I fear that when I die - that that will be replayed like a tape. You know how they say that....that you relive everything you've witnessed in your lifetime. Hope that part of the CD is missing! LOL!)
Anyway, powerless was the thing because I didn't want to be powerless. I wanted to vanquish alcoholism; if not in the world - then at least in my own home. I was going to war and I was going to win. That's how it got me see. That's what alcoholism does, it finds your weak spot and exploits it. Mine was the need to outdo; to overcome the challenge.
I have often said that believing that I could win against such a powerful enemy was sort of like standing on train tracks, holding up my hand and ordering a speeding locomotive to STOP!!
Alcohol is a powerful disease (I no longer see it as the enemy). I will freely admit it's far more powerful than I will ever be. It has lasted thousands of years and I seriously doubt it's planning on going anywhere anytime soon.
Still, back then I needed to prove that I was right; that I could be the victor in what I once saw as a valiant fight; freeing another from their addiction.
Sigh....and somehow or another I got God wrapped up in all that and started looking to Him. "Well, YOU fix it jerko!! You're so all-that? Do something!!"
It was only through surrendering that I found my own freedom. And then one day, many years down the road, my ex-husband found his. A thing for which I am most eternally grateful.
Love ya!
