i am so relieved to know that i am not alone...and to know that not everyone believes reunion is the answer...that angers me and i don't know why...i just don't have much interest in reunion...i don't know anything about my bmom or my birth in general...i don't know what hospital i was born at either...i don't like reading my file...it hurts to see it on paper...it hurts that i don't even know her name...right now i'm playing it by ear for my birthday...it always depends on how i'm feeling that second...sometimes i want to go and be distracted while others i want to sit at home and cry until i have no more tears left...right now i'm having an especially hard time...my ED is getting out of hand which have affected grad school...and my MD is worried about me but i would like to get through finals and then figure things out later while my birthday is getting closer and closer...the hardest part is that no one knows anything about any of this and i feel so alone and like i have no one to talk to...that's why i come here because i can be anonymous and say whatever i want...right now i'm terrified...of my ED getting so bad...my MD's worries...passing my finals...if i don't i'll lose my pace in medical school..and because i know what the next week brings right before my birthday...whether i try to ignore it or not somehow i think about my bmom a lot as it approaches...i'm just scared and i feel so alone...i really miss her so much...i sound so messed up and so angry but i just love her so much and feel so alone...i'm even scared that people here will get sick of me and stop giving me advice...i hope i make sense again...
if anyone here has ever struggled with an ED also please some advice would really be appreciated i'm having a lot of trouble with this because i know my ED is the way i deal with my adoption and i don't what to do anymore...i just feel lost...