Ok, here's another slight shift from topic . . .
I've seen the inconsistency with regard to hitting with other parents as well (not usually as pronounced as with the mom in the OP).
So if a kid hits another kid, he's disciplined and told its not ok. But if he's the one who gets hit, he's told "oh, you're ok" or "well, why don't you share with her then?"
I'm sure I've been guilty of this myself but I'm watching out for it now. I really want my kids to get a consistent message that it's not ok to hit. Maybe it's kind of akward at times because I know my child really isn't hurt and I want to let the other parent know that I'm not actually upset about their child hitting mine. But I still try to give my child the message that it wasn't ok for the other child to hit them - that it's ok if they're upset about it - that it's fair for the other child to appologize or whatever.
And it goes for sharing toys too. Like today at the doctor's office, there was a little girl playing in the waiting room. She didn't want to share the toys that were there with my son. She got kind of mean about it actually (she was 2 years or so). Well, I have a two year old DD. I know how it goes with not wanting to share. It certainly didn't bother me that the girl was acting her age. Her parents made several attempts to get her to share. And I knew we'd only be there a minute anyway. It crossed my mind to tell them "it's ok, I'll just hold my DS while we wait". And probably he would have adjusted to that just fine. But his first choice clearly was to play. And why not? They were toys that belonged to the doctor's office. They were there for my son as well as the other little girl. So I just smiled at the other parents (in an attempt to show them I understood) and encouraged my son to find something to play with despite the little girl. A little akward? I suppose. But how could I expect my son to ever learn why it's important to share if I send the message that it's ok if other kids don't share with him?
Ok, so there are some other random thoughts of mine!
Thanks everybody for the posts so far. I'm finding this a really interesting thread!!