[Jackiejdajda]

RavenSong

I remember when my bson was 14 years old, the adoption agency's post-adoptions caseworker told me he was suffering from a severe depression. And that was when I finally realized that depression is a biochemical illness, running in the blood. It's not a character defect or weakness. It was the first time I didn't feel guilty about my own depression.

There is still a part of my brain that wants to deny.. Pills for me were a way to get stoned.. get high or get calm..

It is so good that you learned this very important fact about biochemical illness..for some of us the old denial factor kicks in and we must be perfect.. perfect perfect..

The times in my life that I've been seriously depressed, I've scared my friends and loved ones. But the times when I'm in a "low-grade" depression, I think they just don't believe me, or they don't want to deal with it.

I can remember my daughter talking about how I had so many pills next to my chair.. in the living room..
My husband just had some teeth stuff done and the doctor gave me codeine.. (me is how I typed it.. him is the correct word)
Wooo.. I loved codeine.. I see the bottle full of it and I say to me.. no way.. am I going to touch that stuff now..
But then I don’t need pills any more.. I did the work..

Too scary for me...a lot of people survive those attempts and then end up with lifelong pain from breaking all the bones in their bodies. I'd rather have another round of therapy, lol...

Amen to that.. It's so right to do the therapy.. and do the sorting..
We are allowed to be happy.. I used to wonder about that.. My mom was a depressive.. she drank and then drank some more..
It was like walking out of quick sand after going to see her before she died.. and I did not want her crappy bits.. but my friend told me I needed to forgive her before she died.. I did not want to do this.. I wanted to hold on to my bone of contention and chew on it.. and work it..

I think your son does feel your feelings and thoughts, Jackie. So your daughter has a real important point in what she says. He can feel you worrying about him. Although, personally, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. At least he knows you love him...that you care about what he's feeling.

I love him so much.. And my daughter is like cold fresh water where he is concerned..
She gets angry.. In her band she gets angry with the ones that want to take a pass on life..
Get so stoned they don’t know anything..
She gets angry..
I must have done something right with her.. she reminds me..

That's a hard thing to deal with, IMO, especially if he is not talking about how he feels. Isolating one's self off from the world doesn't always mean depression. Sometimes it is just massive anger, sometimes an escape, sometimes a need to be alone for a while. I would listen to your gut instincts, Jackie. If you think he's just pissed off, that's probably what is going on with him. I think you have a pretty good handle on both your raised kids, Jackie.

He called last nite.. or hubby called him.. They talk about sports.. and he seems to be okay..

Thanks for listening guys.. and RC3 you are not alone..
I think we need to take care of ourselves at times in our lives.. I think I need to listen to myself..

Jackie