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Originally Posted by Janeytwo
I have been institutionlized twice (of my own volition) and am willing to speak - quite openly - about my mental illness; at least as I experienced it. One thing I refuse to do is be ashamed of my history of mental illness...
...I have never apologized for being in "the bin" as I fondly call it and I don't shirk from that.
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I'm smiling here, Janey, reading your words. You have a strength, a certain fearlessness that I don't possess. I've always hidden that part of my life from people in real life. I can't stand dealing with the furtive glances, the judgments, the condescending attitudes I get from some people if I bring up my past pysch history. And, yes, I call it "the bin" as well, lol.
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Originally Posted by Janeytwo
(((( Raven )))) I know it must be hard for you to speak of this openly - even after all this time and I imagine that coming back from something like this must involve traveling down a very dark path not unlike slogging through nuclear waste. You've got a lot of guts, kiddo. We need people such as you; those who will talk of what happened and where it led them. Thank you for having the courage to share.  |
Thanks for the kind words, kiddo. But usually I don't have much trouble talking about the actual rape. I used to give lectures when I was an outreach worker for the Rape Crisis Center, and I often brought my own experiences up. I'm not ashamed of what happened, not at all. Rape infuriates me...it doesn't shame me.
I did have trouble, though, opening up the other night on this thread about the aftermath...about the suicide attempt. Talking about it triggered me for a couple days afterwards, mainly just a sense of deep sadness and a panicky feeling. But it's passing now. I'm not sure if I've ever really put down my feelings and what it felt like to attempt suicide before on paper, much less a public forum. But I'm glad I did it. Maybe it will help someone understand depression and suicide just a little bit better. Maybe someday someone will read this thread and decide to hold their loved one's hand a bit tighter.
Like I said earlier, I could never have come back all on my own. I needed someone to hold onto me, so I wouldn't go under. I couldn't do it myself...