[didi20]

thank you all so much for sharing i really do appreciate it and i know that you are right...i am lucky and very blessed and i do have an amazing family and i wouldn't change any of that!!

i guess its hard for me to see the glass half full right now i'm having a very difficult time...i've been suffering from an ED for quite a while and i feel like i have no control over anything...whenever i think about my bmom i just get very sad and my ED gets worse which makes me think I am all alone and I'll never get better...I know its just a dumb excuse but if anyone here has ever suffered from an ED i hope that maybe you understand that I wish more than anything that I could see the glass half full but right now i'm just trying to hang on to where i am now and get back to the top...i hope that made some sense and i'm not making excuses or blaming anyone i'm just very sad and hurt.

As it comes closer to my birthday i just get sad because i miss her so much and i love her so much...that's all i'm not really angry just broken hearted...most of the time its not as bad but near my birthday its hard because i just miss her so much and wonder if she is thinking of me at that same moment and maybe if i'm really lucky we can think of each other at the same time...i just get sad because i miss her and love her and still feel incomplete without her...my birthday to me is the aniversary of the one connection that i have with my bmom and that is very special and very painful and sad to me....i hope that makes some sense...it just keeps getting harder until its over but at the same time i don't want it to come because then i have to wait a whole year til i hope that we can have that moment again...i just miss her so much is alll...i love her so much and am so grateful that she brought me into this world...i just wish i could show her that she made the right choice and i turned out pretty good...birthdays are hard...and if i want her to be a magical goddess in my heart i would really like her to stay that way...i dont see anything wrong with that since i dont' plan on a reunion...its like a fantasy so its not so painful...