[RavenSong]

Rylee, back in the first few years of reunion with my son, we had a lot of problems due to his drug addiction. We would go months at a time with no contact, but he always popped up a couple weeks before his birthday or Christmas.

At first, I wondered the same question you're asking. Was he doing this just to get birthday presents and Xmas gifts? Then one day as I was thinking it over, a certain realization hit me over the head like a ton of bricks.

It wasn't about the possible gifts... My son was thinking about me, him, us, our relationship around the holidays. That seems so natural to me now. Of course he was going to surface before his birthday. Because that's the time period he's always thought about me, ever since he was a little boy. And Christmas, my son LOVES Christmas. And I've come to learn over the past 18 years just how much he misses me during the Christmas Season.

Rylee, even *if* your daughter is communicating with you on a regular basis so that she can get some gifts out of it, please consider this. Use this time period to build up your relationship with her. Get in a lot of "you mean so much to me," "love ya, kiddo," "my door's always open for you," remarks. She may not believe it right now when you say those things, but believe me, they'll stick inside her.

One of the most important things I've ever said to my son is that I can't imagine a world without him in it. I tell him that I'm proud of him, that he is important to me beyond measure. Sure, it embarrasses him sometimes, but hey, isn't that what mothers (even bmoms) do, lol? (I do space out my touchy-feeley comments, though, so he doesn't feel like he's being smothered.)

Keep posting, Rylee. We're listening.

P.S. How's your mom doing lately?