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Ahh, yes, you're describing just the sorts of issues that some adoptees have. Within our home there are two adoptees. The one who stumbled on the truth mid-life didn't have insecurity or low self-esteem problems (me) while the one who grew up knowing about being adopted did have them. The one who grew up knowing about being adopted says no one should have to learn by stumbling onto the information (as I did) but on the other hand, it's a hard truth to deal with while growing up. You also have to consider that the personality you inherited could contribute to having feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.
Since I can't change the past, I have to accept that my b-mom made a decision that gave me a better chance than anything she could foresee at that time. She didn't give me "away", she saw what her circumstances were and she gave me "a better chance". It had nothing to do with me in terms of my worth - had I been cuter, smaller, bigger, male instead of female, different colouring, she still would have made the same decision.
How do you feel about trying to find out information about your adoption?
Some folks have recommended Primal Wound, others haven't cared for it. I haven't read it but I'm going to request it from the public library and read it over the holidays. Mostly, it's about you - how do you deal best with working through issues: is reading and processing information going to help you think and work through some of your issues or would you be better off with counselling? Whether these problems stem from not being kept by your b-mother or from your own personality or from experiences you've had, trying counselling might be a step in overcoming them. In the end, we have to do the best with the cards we're dealt.
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