Hi, RC3... Let me take this a bit at a time...
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Originally Posted by RC3
Now, I just have to figure out how to convince him to get help! I think the best time would be when he is in his dark place as opposed to when he's feeling "fine". What do you think?
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I think your instinct is right on this. He probably will be more open to getting help when he's feeling pain and is struggling in the darkness. (Interesting...whenever I go into a depression, I always refer to it as "going down the dark ladder.") Is your son "cycling" between feeling depressed and feeling fine?? If so, he might be showing signs of bipolar disorder, or he could have cyclothymia.
I have to ask you this. Is it possible that your son is doing drugs of any type? You said he lives in Southern California, my old stomping grounds. A lot of young adults around his age down in that part of the state (I live in No. Cal.) are using crystal methamphetamine. My own son had a horrible addiction to the stuff. He started off using it to self-medicate his bipolar disorder. (Thank God, he's been clean and sober now for around 14 or 15 years.) Crystal meth is a real double-edged sword. When someone who is prone to depression takes it, it makes all the pain go away. It also makes them feel good about themselves...temporarily. The problem is that the "good" feelings don't last. After a while, the drug itself will cause someone to go into a tailspin, down into the depths of depression.
The reason I ask about drug usage is if he *is* abusing drugs, that would be the first step in helping him help himself. He would need to detox off the drugs and get into a recovery program. (If you need any info on 12-step programs, just PM me, and I'll point you in the right direction.)
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Originally Posted by RC3
What can I say, that I haven't said before, that will make the difference tho, without him shutting me out the minute he realizes what I want him to do? I look at it like drug addiction...how can I help him if he won't help himself?
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I have struggled now for hours about this question. And to be honest, I don't have an answer for you. There is a difference between addiction and suicidal depression in regards to helping someone, IMO. I'm not sure if I'll be able to describe this right, but here goes. The times in my life when I have been at the very bottom of the dark ladder, way out there in the darkness, I've needed someone to pull me back. There was no way I could do it myself...no way. Unfortunately, when someone "bottoms out" in depression, it often translates into suicide. The pain is so intense, so deep, you really don't see a way out. The depression, itself, creates a certain lethargy. You lose all motivation, optimism, positive feelings, all that and more.
I think that people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol are more prone to ask for help when they "bottom out" than someone who is sucidal is. I mean, it's fairly easy to identify what the problem is when you look at all the empty bottles in your trash can, and you're gulping aspirin to cure the hangover. You know that if you can stop using or drinking, then you'll feel better eventually. But depression is a different monster. You can't make it go away by yourself, even with the help of people in a recovery program. It's a biochemical illness, one with a strong genetic component, IMO. (Interestingly enough, many people who are prone to depression and do NOT drink or use alcohol have family members who are alcoholics.)
Well, that's enough for right now. I'm going to address your next post in a few minutes.
