[kakuehl]

Sam,
Have you called Brenda? You really don't sound like you should sign those papers! It's hard enough to do when you're sure it's the best thing, when you have a family that loves you as mine did. 36 years later, I have the joy of watching D's children grow up. It's a joy, but also a sorrow because it points out that I missed these milestones with him.

I resonate with the wanting a baby. I always wanted children. Placing D only made the need worse. It affected all my decisions including who I married and when. I drove my poor husband nuts with my need for another child. I don't know if I would ever have quit having children (ok... menopause) if DH had agreed. I do know that no matter how many I had, D would still have been missing. That hole in my heart was only healed 3 years ago.

Do recognize that in the midst of everything else you may be dealing with a bit of postpartum depression. Are you talking to a counselor? It really can help (been there!)