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if Opal could speak, I hope to God she would tell me that she loved me and that I was a good home for nine months..
spending time with her.. i dont know if that is even an option..sure i could see her but for how long could i handle just seeing her..no i dont think i could but i dont care..
and your all right..
im not ready to do this
in fact i dont want to do this..
honestly i dont think i EVER wanted to do this...
now do i break my heart, or two hearts?
how could i do this to her parents
(i never liked the fact the i care way to much..)
id rather suffer..
but i miss my baby, i never told anyone and youd never quess..i always wanted a baby, my very own baby..
i just look at her pictures and scream inside
im depressed (hahah.. duh)
i havent even taken off my hospital braclet yet i dont think im going to and its water proof so i really dont see the need in it coming off anyways....
I need her way more then she needs me..so whats stoping me.. any one want to answer that, i sure cant..
from the second i saw her i saw our lifes flash befor my eyes. how wonderful the idea of being a mum is and she didnt cry once.. maybe for a second and no it wasnt piercing and annoying she just wanted to be held a little closer...
i think about her all the time
i broke down crying in koles yesterday looking at frames that said "baby" "grandma" "mother"
*sigh*
how hard everythings become and im seeing babies EVERYWHERE and i feel like a loser..not the dopy kind the one who didnt finish the race...
so last night im not sure if this was a dream or it really happened so im speaking for both..
i placed my hands on my belly where her little bum used to be where i always felt her wiggle..and i swear i felt it move not just once.. a sweet smile a sigh of relief my baby was back with me and i was fast asleep
it was a dream a painful dream.
i need my baby because she was the first persom to make me smile in years i mean really smile out of pure happiness..
i need my baby because i dont have a family..
i need my baby because im sure she needs me
i need my baby because i cant stop crying
because i need to tell my slef to stop saying not to cry
because i love her
because she loves me...
and i knwo that deep down i will sign that paper work the 17th
and that why i cant stop crying
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