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From the behaviors you are describing, it sounds like these two helpless children were seriously neglected and abused. I as well took two for my first placement, in addition to my 3 bio children. Their story was so horrible and there was potential for our family to be in danger as well (which we did not know at time of initial placement, but a few hours later). I cried for the first few days, walked in a stupor for the next few days and finally found the light around two weeks. I questioned myself daily. I wanted to be the perfect mother for these children because that is what they deserved, but then someone pointed out that there is no perfect mother. This wasn't about me, it was about the kids. God put them with me for a reason....they needed me. Now I understand there are absolute good reasons to disrupt.....children need more specialized care, family issues, etc. If you honestly feel you need to disrupt, then disrupt. But if you are making your decision because you are tired, you need to give them time to adjust and yourself time to adjust. Any chance you could hire a local teen that you know to come and play with little blue, so that you can do what you need to, like take a shower??!
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