[Barksum]

Ah, the emotional 'thing'. It has been my experience with males who are not emotionally open that when you talk, they are listening. You may not know it, but they are. So keep talking.

Keep reaching out. Generally emotionally closed people won't reach out even when deep down they really want to. Often they don't know how or don't want to be that vulnerable. When you reach out, continually, and talk to them about things that are emotional in nature (family stuff like house rules, personal responsibility, your feelings, etc.) you are also showing them how to do that in return. It often takes years (and years) for men (young or old) who don't trust to open up. I think they also don't understand that by being closed and not telling what they think/feel they are sending a message that they don't care or aren't interested.

Dh and I were married for 9 years before he talked about how he felt while in foster care. We had known each other for 10 years at that point. We'd talked about foster care, his childhood (or lack thereof) and all of that, but it was factual points, not feelings. He opened up a little bit, and then clammed up again for a few years. Now we can talk about it, but I am the one who brings it up. Emotionally stressful times (like the multiple deaths in the family this fall) will bring up all kinds of emotion based issues and we have to tread carefully to get through all of that. He's finally able to talk about some of the stuff without becoming physically ill...sometimes.

Early training (like you never allow yourself to be vulnerable, ever) is really difficult to undo/unravel/work through. Ask me! LOL