[cetalley]

Originally Posted by SoniaRose

I don't understand why you think it is your bmom's responsibility to find you, but you don't want to search for her. Perhaps she can't find you. Have you registered with the ISRR or other adoption registries? All you have to do is give them your birth information, and if your bmom is looking for you, then you will be easier to find.

There are lots of reasons why our bmoms may not be looking for us. I registered with the ISRR over 20 years ago, and I was disappointed that there was no match. I found out last year that my bmom had died many years before. So please don't think that your bmom doesn't love you if it seems she is not looking for you. There could be so many different circumstances.

You don't sound like you're emotionally ready in your life to initiate a full search,

	
	
.

Otherwise, all I can suggest is that you find activities that interest you and keep busy, join a group or church or ??? As an adoptee, I know it's hard to accept that we may never know our bparents, but we have to accept things in our life that we cannot change. We have to learn to love ourselves; we can't expect someone else to fill the holes in our heart.

Didi, I too, am a Firstmom. I do not know if I can help, but I will try to give you some insight of some firstmoms. I relinquished twin sons, and am now searching with the aid of a C.I.(confidential intermediary). I have over the years(8,330+ days) thought of my sons each and EVERY day! I was never sad on their b-day, because it WAS and IS, 1 of the best days and events of my life. Yes I cry and wonder what they were doing..I would try to picture in my mind what they looked like, and what they might be interested in. I do grieve and have a gutteral ache, that NEVER goes away. I think if a firstmom(at least most) does not look for their child, it is not for the reasons you seem to think. There are so so many and each of our journies are different. However I feel the most common are those that I read over and over again...We were told we should let IT go. We are so full of guilt, shame, fear of rejection(YES EVEN US FIRSTMOMS )fear being rejected. We are made to feel like we have NO right to seek you out. We are told you may not even know you are adopted. We are told you have parents. We are told you have forgotten about us. We are told we will intrude and upset your world. We ARE human, we DO love you, but alas we are told we made our choice...we have NO RIGHTS. When we sign those papers ...we are told we no longer exist, to go home and pretend this never happened! Guess what...I can PROMISE you...your Firstmom has never forgotten...NEVER! How can we forget GODS greatest gift...our children. So, I hope this gives some insight. Didi you ARE loved by so many, you HAVE to allow them to help what you seek....YOUR firstparents! If it wasn't talked about, now is the time to talk about it...not tomorrow, not next week...YESTERDAY. They are your parents, they may surprise you, give them this chance. You will not move past this if you do not seek your firstfamily out. GOOD OR BAD, you need to register with the state registry you were born in and the ISRR registry. Ask your mom and dad what they remember, what they know, do not underestimate your parents. Do not think this will upset them, let them know THEY are your parents and always will be. You must have this discussion with them, so that you can find peace...but you will only do so by finding ALL the pieces. You are a wonderful caring and thriving young lady, you deserve to know and you deserve have all your questions answered. Half of my family does not even know how to run a computer...let alone own 1. Your firstmom, may be one that does not know of these registies, and may not own a computer...but you will never know until you decide to seek her out. It is now time to stop this crying party and do something to change this. You are worth it!