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1- BREATHE
2- Breathe again
3- and again
To me, it sound like you are freaking out like every new mother. I know this doesn't exactly help you feel better, but it is natural. Sleep deprivation is harsh, new responsibilites are a lot of stress, questioning your ability just compounds everything.... but all of this is natural for any new mother.
Try to stop beating yourself up. I have to be honest, I know going from 0-2 is a huge transition, but going from 0-1 is a HUGE transition too. If you had just one child right now you would be questioning yourself the same way, wondering if you did the right thing, and although you may be getting sligthly more sleep, you would still be worried, and sleep deprived and stressed.
Now, breathe again.
And again.
Give it a bit of time to settle down, I'm all for recognizing personal limitations, but you are in the throws of new motherhood so right now I don't think it is a question of whether or not 2 is too many, but giving yourself time to adjust to parenthood at all.
Keep the baby's nails short and try to hold her and calm her when she claws her face, it sounds like a self-stimulatory reaction to stress, and keep Little Boy Blue with you and remember that you can't immediatly fix his being scared, he is scared and time will help that more than anything else.
Vent here as much as needed!! It really helps.
btw, we already had 2 children and then added 2 more through fostering, I questioned the same thing, what was I thinking taking 2, I could have handled one but 2 was insane.... honestly it wouldn't have matter if it were 1 or 2, the transition and beginning is a huge scary change to everyone, you will adjust to 2 just as easily as to 1 (I think that anyway) you deal with what you have to deal with, just have confidence in yourself and try to ask for help this weekend so that you can get some sleep and recharge.
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K
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