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Originally Posted by AmahMama
When I started fostering - I had no REAL idea how much time it took. I am amazed that working single people are able to fit it all in and work at the same time! Once I started fostering - I wondered how I raised my children and worked at the same time! LOL
Sometimes when an unwarrented request comes in the form of demands - it is very hard to wrap ourselves around them - and do it nicely.
I believe that bioP's requests should be made to the cw and it is the cw's job to arrange or deny the request. I am a foster parent - I am not the person that will give permission for the bioP to arrive at a photo studio, a MD appt, or a barber shop without the permission of the cw, and if the visits are to be supervised by the agency - the bioP's are in violation for showing up there. If the court ordered agency supervision - then the agency must be there to supervise. So, if they have to be there anyway - why not coordinate it as time management for all involved?
I was/am always annoyed by the visit no-shows and then expecting a "make-up" visit at a different time - AFTER the no-show. Not call ahead and reschedule - but expect the system to work around them without taking the rest of the blended family into consideration.
After having children from 3 different families, on 3 different schedules, with 3 different everythings - I opted to take only sibling groups.... at least then they were all at the same time. I transported when I could - which was most of the time - but this was my choice.
I must have a problem too - because after over 50 children - my back still goes up and I need to vent when I am ordered to take my and my families time to do something that I feel is unreasonable. Most times I am fine if asked - or I have some sort of input.
I have used this forum many, many times to vent... with confidentiality being what it is - this is one of the few places (and my dh gets tired of hearing it LOL) that I can vent and others actually understand what my issue is. I vent and then hopefully get over it. And yes, many of my vents are over bio's. I am not "bashing" as many would have it - it just seems to go with the territory - many of the things about the bio's are irksome at one time or another during placements.
I have had many, many children transition home, several on to adoption, and the rest went to relatives. I've been involved in many of the sicknesses of this particular system, and I also have been part of the successes and happiness. I still have contact with many of the children via parents (both bio and ad) and I love seeing how these little babies that I held and loved have grown into such breathtaking little people!!
So now I will get off of my soapbox - sorry it is so long!
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I think most here would agree with what you wrote. We all appreciate getting to vent occassionally so I really don't think that was the issue.
I think the misunderstanding here lay with whether we thought the requests made by the birth mother was "reasonable" or whether she should not be allowed to make these requests because she was a "bad" mother. I personally thought all the extras that the birth mother the OP referred to was NOT unreasonable as a mother. I thought that it was unreasonable of DFCS or CPS (or whatever their child protective services is called) to expect that from the foster mother, since SHE was the one carrying the burden of doing all these extras. She still has other members of her family to take care of...
Beyond that, the issue escalated into whether the birth parents are just awful humans because they neglect/abuse their kids, who deserve nothing or whether they deserve our compassion and understanding.
To be honest, I'd have a very hard time with sexually abusive parents. That's where I'd have a hard time mentally, feeling any sympathy with them. So far, the Lord has not placed any children in our home with that type of abuse, so we've not dealt with it.
But most parents are obviously not sexual abusers. So I feel the children and the parents I've dealt with will benefit the most from compassion and understanding rather than ridicule.