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I want to echo the support/advice you have already gotten. You need to keep your home as healthy as you can. T has gotten more than enough opportunities as it is!
We also are without our oldest this year so I completely understand the range of emotions. Mine is not violent but does his damage passive aggressively. He is now on the third home to mooch off of and has been out of school (college we were paying for) without a job for six weeks. Some lessons need to be learned the hard way. Bless you for cooking for 35!!!
Karen
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