[aclee]

I would say that since a semi or even open adoption was shut on her, she might be hesitiant to just start it again. I think you need to be sure that you want this open, now and forever, because to open it when you want contact, and then close it when the contact is "too much"...isn't fair to this bmom. What has changed in your lives or in hers that you feel you can make a go of this open adoption now? Are you willing to deal with bgrandma, or do you believe that situation has changed in some way? I commend you for trying to open the relationship again, but you need to keep the bmom's emotions in all of this in your mind too. To her this could feel like being pulled along on a string you know? Open when it's good for you, even multiple e-mails etc to make sure she's getting them...then closed when the open arrangement isn't going your way. Just saying...she COULD see it that way.

If you think it's just the holidays, and you'll not want contact after that, that's not really fair to her, but I would give her the option to participate in that type of arrangement if she wants to.

I would say, know what you want, and then let her know EXACTLY what you are willing to do. If contact with her is still conditional on her parents not being part of the open agreement, she needs to know that...

JMO I guess