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Any Advice?
It's been awhile since I have been on this forum, so I doubt if anyone really remembers my story. My DD is (almost) 3 years old and we have an open adoption. Within the first three months, problems started with the birth-grandmother. She really started showing a very controlling side and would not back off no matter how much we asked. We tried to keep everything good with the BMom through all of this until about a year later when we asked BMom that we have a couple visits with just her and us (not her parents...she was 18 at this time) and things just went downhill very fast. Things got so bad that we finally just said we needed to stop visits and only send pictures/updates through the agency until DD decides she wants to see her BMom. This was back in January.
I don't know if it's the holidays or reading how much BMoms go through emotionally or just the passage of some time, but we are wanting to open up communication again.
I sent BMom an e-mail in mid-October and never got a response. Sent her another in mid-November and didn't get a response. So, a week later, I messaged her through MySpace. I wasn't completely comfortable with this, but I didn't know if she was ignoring us or if she wasn't getting the e-mails. So I told her that we were wanting to start communication again and that I had sent a couple e-mails to her Yahoo account. I said that I wasn't sure she was getting them, so that's why I was messaging through MySpace. She responded the next day saying she didn't see them, but would go now and reply from there. We've never gotten that reply from her.
So, my question is...should I e-mail her again or wait until she e-mails me? I told her in my e-mail that we wanted to open communication up again and, after a little while, maybe even visits. I asked her questions in this e-mail just to ensure I got a response. I even asked for her new address (saw she moved because her city was different in MySpace) saying that I'd send her a Christmas card with DD's 2-1/2 year pictures enclosed.
DH says to not send her anything else until she e-mails us...pretty much going with the "ball is in her court" idea. I can see where he is coming from, but yet what if she doesn't reply. We are supposed to send her updates and pictures by DD's 3rd birthday in February (which I would send out January 1st). If she doesn't reply by then, what do I do? Won't it look bad if I send things through the agency after I said that communication can be open again? But then again, won't it look bad if I don't? But yet I don't know if e-mailing her again would be too pushy.
I've thought about sending the things to her old address (which is her parents' house), but since the trouble kind of started with her mom, I'd sort of like to just have this between us and BMom for the time being...and sending the package there I really think would send the wrong message to BGma.
Any advice would be appreciated!!
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