H, I hate that J is going through this.
When I rushed a sorority, I was not a virgin, but was in an exclusive committed relationship with my HS boyfriend - who I lost my virginity to freshman year of college (how's all that for TMI???) ANYWAY, we always would have "date" parties, where it was a party somewhere fun, like an ice rink or something, and only my sorority and another frat were invited. We were expected to go with "dates" from the frat - just for fun of course.
Not.
I wasn't comfortable with the idea of even pretending to date one of the other guys for just one night. Even if there wasn't any funny business. I was given such a hard time about not participating, and then eventually about not dating a Greek in the first place. (Like I was going to dump my bf of a couple years because I joined a sorority???)
It wasn't as intense as what it sounds like J is going through, but I was called all kinds of things (prude, etc.) because I had only had sex with one guy (
) and because I wasn't "part of the group" because I wouldn't participate in things like date night or "Grab a Date."
In the end I broke up with my bf for my own reasons completely seperate from the sorority....but I also dropped out of the sorority when I saw how differently I was treated once I
did participate in a "Grab a Date" night. To be honest, it was FUN! But that's because I was single and it was MY CHOICE.
I knew that if people were going to treat me differently because of something like dating a Greek, they weren't my crowd.
It took a while for me to leave, but I held my ground and stayed true to me. If J feels like he needs to stick around for a while, maybe he does....he can't change their system if he leaves. But if he stays and shows them resistence (possibly the first time they receive it!) he might make a difference for the next batch of kids pledging.
(((((((hugs to J and you H!!!!)))))))
(Sorry for the rambling!!!)