It breaks my heart everytime I read one of your posts, Didi. You are in so much pain!! I hope you are able to continue therapy someday. Until then, this is the perfect place for you.
I have never hated my birthday because for whatever reason, I never related it to my birth mother. weird maybe for an adoptee. I always thought it to be MY special day and nobody else's. I think that turning it around and making your birthday about YOU may help you. Yes, your bmother gave you up and you don't know why. There could be hundreds of reasons but that does not mean that she did not love you or want the very best for you. Being 20 and single is probably a huge reason. Someday if you become a mother, you may understand better the unconditional, overwhelming love for a child. That doesn't just stop if you don't raise that child.
I understand being angry but I have to say Didi, life is incredibly short. You have to live for today and tomorrow and try not to dwell on the past. A pp mentioned "let it go" and I couldn't agree more.
