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In reading some of these stories (which I think are very important) I wanted to clarify my thoughts a bit. I am not saying that every person who has their kids taken by the state deserves to get their children back. There are some really sick people out there, who if they do not change their ways are a danger to their children. In those cases, it is in the best interest to the children to be adopted into another home. People who molest children and do horrible acts such as that do not deserve to have their kids.
However, this thread was about "where to draw the line" and some really bothersome remarks were being made about bio parents who actually wanted certain things for their kids. As if ALL bio parents don't deserve things like pictures or the choice in how their kid wears their hair. THAT is what I took issue with. And not everyone came across the same way. I certainly understand needing to vent sometimes about certain things but the language you use is very important. I think this does become about who "gets" what, when it should not be that way.
As foster parents, we don't get to decide who "deserves" pictures or extra visits. The state has a job to do. And that is to either get these bio families on the right track or have the children adopted into good homes. Trust that the state is keeping track of those missed visits as proof before the judge, so if a judge decides that a parent does not deserve another chance, after many efforts have been made, than that is fair.
We, as foster parents, can't take what we hear and then judge for ourselves on who is worthy of this or that. Or who is telling who what to do or who is getting what.
I don't think we get to draw the line at all. If something comes from the SW, then in my eyes it should be done. If something comes from the bio parent and you feel it is unreasonable, than take it to the SW and they should decide where to draw the line.
Whenever I look at my kids I think how lucky I am to have them. And while I do not agree with many of the choices their bio mom made, I know they will always be a part of her. So putting her down is putting them down. Speaking poorly about her is speaking poorly about them. I will be honest with them about the past when they are old enough but I will also try to get them to see that some people really struggle with addictions and as much as they love their kids, they just can't overcome the hold it has over them. I really hope she is able to get help so that she will still be alive if they choose to search for her someday.
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