[Quesita]

Liana is really the perfect kid. During the waking hours. She is smart and funny and loving and empathetic. She follows instructions… in English and Spanish! She is very cooperative… for a two year old, that is. Yeah, she has her meltdowns. And sometimes she gets whiney. But mostly, she is just affectionate and joyous and playful and just lots of fun to be with.

Until nighttime. We’ve been doing this “star chart” reward system in an attempt to deal with the first part of the sleep drama. No kicking, no crying, no throwing things, put your head on the pillow when mommy says put your heat on the pillow. If she does all of that she gets a star. Five stars and she gets a surprise. It has helped a lot with the drama of actually getting into bed.

Then, after reading our books, I’m held hostage for about an hour, with my arms wrapped around her while she fights sleep. I’ve tried fading, but that makes her go insane, thrashing and sitting up and screaming.

Finally, she falls asleep. If I’m still awake, I’ve got about 45 minutes before she starts screaming and needing to be held. If I’ve fallen asleep myself at this point, it is 45 minutes of sleep. Sometimes this is the only wake up of the evening. Rarely. Usually there is one more… either nightmare or night terror. Nightmares are harder on her. Night terrors are harder on me. Sometimes, on bad nights, it is another 4 or 5 or even 6 more wakeups.

I’ve spoken with two doctors, who gave me contradictory instructions, neither of which worked. I’ve read everything from “No Cry Sleep Solution” to Ferber, and for ages I experimented, and really confused her. Everyone says, whatever you do, be consistent. I hired a behaviorist sleep coach. She did an evaluation, and said the issues were too complex, with abandonment concerns, the fact that she was left with me the first time when she was asleep, and woke up with her foster family gone. The sleep coach wouldn’t take my money.

Sometimes it seems to be getting better. Last night was a bad night. I was cranky this morning, and was unkind to a neighbor who is so so so good to us, because she always scolds me for cosleeping. As if that were the root of the problem.

I just needed to vent. You know… some people commute two or three hours per day to work. I don’t. I walk to work in 12 minutes. But I spend two or three hours per day getting Liana to sleep. It has almost become normal. Almost.

The frustrating thing is, that people who know Liana, even people who know her well, just don’t believe me. She is so clearly happy, well-adjusted, and such a marvelous human being. The daytime Liana, and the nighttime Liana are just different people.

I know everyone here faces a different set of issues. I just came to vent, to a place where I know people understand, and believe me.