[RavenSong]

Every reunion is so different, it's hard to advise at times. Some reunions include immediate family members, like siblings, husbands, wives, or partners. Others', like mine, are between just the birthmom and grown child. It's been my experience that most birthmoms, and often adoptees too, want the initial few months to be just between them. But I've met a lot of birthmoms and adoptees who have included other family members. Many times, the adoptive parents are part of the initial reunion. My own son's parents were there for the first face-to-face meeting, and they welcomed me into their home and family.

After the initial face-to-face meeting, usually get-togethers included just my son and myself for the first few months. Then other members of my family started getting together with DS on their own timetables. His birthdad was brought into the equation about a year after we reunited.

I know that almost everyone here on the forums believes that reunion should go very slowly. My son and I did not go slowly, and things turned out fine. We have been back in each others' lives for almost 19 years now. (We both had a couple years to prepare for reunion, though. We started corresponding thru letters when he was around 16 years old, and we knew that we would reunite when he turned 18 years old.)

I think the most important thing in reunions is to use good communication skills. Honesty, respect, and a willingness to see things from the other person's viewpoint all go a long way, IMO.

Reunion is a lot of give and take. It does take a while for people to discover their own rhythms. People often liken reunion to a rollercoaster ride. In my own life, I think of it more like surfing the ocean waves. As any surfer knows, you learn to respond almost instinctively to the wave's twists and turns. It's a lot like that in reunion...