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Well, if he goes into the independent living program in Jan, seems to me that he can just stay where he is until then. We all have to draw the line in the sand and you drew it long after most of us would have had enough. I also hate the empty manipulative "i love yous". I would rather nothing. You have done a lot for T. You can't cure him. Don't blame yourself for that. And take care of yourself - you deserve it.
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