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Originally Posted by elledarcy
Thanks everyone for your comments. I hope it does get better over time as many of you are saying. I agree that I am in a “claiming” kind of phase right now so that probably has a lot to do with it.
I did have a conversation with my mom and sister a few nights ago and it didn’t go well. I essentially told them that it bothered me when people referred to bmom as “mom” or “real mom,” and my sister said, “well, you’re not her real mom.”
We then got into a whole argument because I thought this was really rude and purposely hurtful. I attempted to explain to her that I am DD’s real mom – I am in reality caring for and mothering her! I am really filling the role of her mom! In her view, I am being too sensitive. She also accused me of trying to pretend like I gave birth to DD (which is ridiculous and also impossible as we’ve been extremely open about adoption). My mom refused to get involved (a nice “stop being stupid, of course Elle is her real mom,” would have sufficed). So I wondered if they even considered DD to be their “real” granddaughter and niece. Apparently they do not! Some people DD has never met, whose bits and pieces of DNA she shares are her real grandmother and aunt!
My mom and I discussed the next day and she pretty much made it clear that she loves DD and doesn’t look at her any differently because she is adopted. I requested that they only use the terms we plan on using as a family. We will see if she will do it. I only worry about it because they are showing such a blatent disregard for our feelings and also because DD should not have to be subjected to her family insientating that she is not a “real” part of the family in some way.
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Elle...I'm sorry that your sister was so rude and insensitive towards you.
I'm sure that must have hurt you even further...uggg! I think she's pretty lucky that none of us on this thread were in on your conversations!!!