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I'm not sure what state you're in, but after TPR is signed there is almost no way the bmom can come back in and asked for the child back or for him or her to be placed with another family. Neglecting to say that you were planning on breastfeeding is certainly not a legitimate "loophole."
I didn't feel I needed to discuss everything with my DD's bmom before placement either. Like you said, if she asked I wouldn't lie, but if she didn't ask, possibly it was not important to her and I didn’t feel the need to go over my entire parenting plan with her (which would have been exhausting for both me and her).
My DD's bfamily has different politics and ideas about child rearing. That is fine. But DD is being raised by us and as her mother I don't have to consult them on every situation (we're going to use cloth diapers, is that okay? we don’t allow co-sleeping, is that all right with you? we're voting democrat, are you comfortable with that?) You were right when you said in your other thread that an emom is choosing you to parent and she is relinquishing her right to make decisions for her child after placement. She cannot come in afterwards and say “but I wanted them to parent like this.” Talk to your agency/lawyer to clarify the laws in your state if you’re really worried if a child could be “taken back” because the bparent disagreed with your parenting decisions after TPR was signed.
I’ll also say this and will probably get beat up for it, but breastfeeding is about what’s best for your child. Emoms should try to look at it this way to instead of trying to “keep” something special and biological for themselves. There is a health benefit and a bonding benefit. Don’t we want our kids to be healthy and happily settled with their families? It’s primarily about the child, not about the amom or emom.
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