[jb41503]

I'm sorry if this offends anyone but reading through these I am having a problem with emotions being stirred up. I have yet to actually adopt a child of my own but I have raised two nephews for 7 and 9 years. My sister was 17 and 19 when she gave birth to them. She walked out on the oldest at 10 months, 4 and again at 5 years old. She walked out on the youngest at the ages of 2 and again at 3. While she did live with me and the children, I would often wake up in the middle of the night to a screaming baby to find her awake but instead of trying to take care of the baby, she'd of pulled her pillow over her head and be trying to silence herself being able to hear the cries. She'd do anything BUT take care of the kids. When they had overnight hospital stays, I stayed with them getting little and very uncomfortable sleep because she just COULDN'T disrupt her schedule for one reason or another. She never attended school meetings or doctor appointments. Even now when she visits, she loves being here if the kids are happy but as soon as they aren't happy over something she has a million errands she has to go and run right now. When it was taken to court for child support she told the judge she'd quit her job and refuse to work if the judge demanded that she have to pay anything so the judge backed down. She loves to buy the kids presents but has never helped out with feeding them, clothing them, helping with buying school supplies or helping with medical expenses (both kids are autistic). She loves to brag about them and show off their pictures and attend their special functions at school and in 4-H. When they played Little League she loved to show up for the games but would have died before helping pay any of the fees for them to play. If the kids are sick, she suddenly wants absolutely nothing to do with them until it's all past and they're feeling fine and happy again. She wants to be a "there for the good times mom" but run out the door the second anything threatens to not be all smiles and giggles anymore and she makes me mad as hell at times. But what's even more frustrating is that even though she hasn't lived a day in their lives with them for many many many long years now, she still wants to give advice about how to raise them, or how their hair should be cut, whether or not they should be punished, what they should eat and a whole onslaught of other things. I realize that while the birth mother wants her kid to be raised a certain way, I think if she is going to be absolutely demanding, then maybe she ought to be the one raising the kid. If she is giving the kid to someone else to raise, then for pete's sake, she ought to realize that if someone else is going to be raising the kid, then they should be allowed to raise the kid, which includes making all major life decisions regarding that child. Once the birth mother has signed over her rights, if she would like to know how the kid is doing then fine I'm ok with that, but if I'm raising her kid then I expect to be allowed to fully raise that kid. Period.