[blessedbybug]

This is why I think unbiased counseling is important for everyone. You need to know what your is most important to you just as much as understanding what an expecting parents considers important. Communication is primary in adoption relationships, and having the hard conversations are a part of it, and as I can attest to, those hard conversations surrounding the time of the birth of a child are only the beginning. If there isn't a willingness by either party to be honest about their hopes and fears, then there isn't a strong foundation in place on which to build a future relationship. Fear will take over all of it and it won't work. If one or the other side withholds their wishes and desires out of fear of messing something up, and the match works out, believe me, it will only get messier as time goes on.

The fact is that it is possible for a match to fall apart at the last minute over something small or big. That is a part of adoption and it is hard but it is reality. And if it falls apart and the new mother chooses to parent then that is just how it is. Matches that don't work out are always a possibility and for all of us, are a possibility that is scary because our hearts are on the line too. But in the end, the child needs to be where his/her new parents want him/her. Adoption is ultimately a parenting choice for the expecting/new/first parent. He/she needs to know it all to make that decision. And you, and a waiting family need to know it all in order to make your decision.