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Originally Posted by elledarcy
Lately I’m been annoyed about people who ask about my DD’s birthfamily and use the words “mom” and “dad” to mean my DD’s birthparents. I don’t mind so much from strangers as they maybe don’t know what the proper terms are, but from my own family who knows how I feel about it, this is annoying.
My mother and father and several of my DH’s siblings ask about DD’s “mom” and “dad,” even after I’ve corrected them with a gentle, “we say birthmom and birthdad or use their first names.” My parents think I am overreacting, but I am really touchy about it. Next time someone asks me how tall DD’s “mom” is or what color her “dad’s” hair is, I am so tempted to say, “well, I’m 5’ 5’’, but I don’t know that that will have much affect on DD.”
I do not wish to take away from the contribution that DD’s birthparents have made to her life, but I also don’t think that someone who has never even met my DD (though the oppertunity has been offered) merits the title of “dad.” DH and I are the ones in the trenches doing all the mom and dad stuff, so I guess I feel like I don’t want to share the “mom” and “dad” title with two people who, while special in DD’s life, don’t fill that role.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I being silly? How can I convince my family to use the terms we plan on using?
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For me personally, I don't get worked up about it. I think there are bigger issues but that's just me. I know who I am in my children's lives and for the most part, I don't hold other people accountable to get it right every time especially if these kind of conversations are new. And I personally don't understand how someone simply calling my kids' other mothers "mom" is something that minimizes who I am as their mother. But that is just me.
That said, just like anything else, if this is something that really bothers you, then continue to gently offer your alternative. I don't think getting smart about it would help, although I admit that IF this bothered me that would probably be my first inclination as well.
