[paigeturner]

My problem is I plop sentences out there without explaining what I mean. I just expect everyone to get it by osmosis…I’m basically lazy.

Here’s the thing, shortly after I placed my son I returned home, all of the reasons I’d been away a big giant secret perpetuated by my mother. The first couple of weeks at home she literally took me out running and swimming so I could lose the “baby fat” before anyone caught on – but, I digress. A few short weeks after, a friend of the family adopted an infant son. First, it hit way too close to home, so I was having a difficult time anyway. I was really shocked when she started breastfeeding him. I just didn’t know that it was a possibility. And, I was really grossed out by it. As irrational as it is, the thought of foreign bodily fluids being consumed by “my” child bothers me. And I acknowledge that it’s irrational. But, as I stated if I were to place today or if I had the opportunity to find out back then, it would have been a deal breaker for me. And, therefore my child would not be a good match for either my neighbor back then or the OP today.

There’s not a lot that would be a deal breaker if I had it to do over, BTW. Public vs. private schools, vegetarianism vs. meat eaters or cloth vs. disposable…wouldn’t matter. I asked for a family that either already had a child or planned to adopt another in birth order. I asked for a family that had been married at least five years. I asked for a family that lived in a rural area. I asked for all of this but was never given the chance to look at profiles… From the non-identifying information I received a few years ago they honored my wishes. His parents are also square dancers…had I known that it might have been a deal breaker. Joking! Anyway if I had known to ask, I would have asked for a non-breastfeeding family. I guess it doesn’t matter now. If I get the chance to meet him someday it wouldn’t even be something I would ask. Giggling now thinking about how that conversation would go!